آئیے نکاح آسان بنائیں

تیزی سے گزرتا وقت، گرتی، پھسلتی ، سنبھلتی ،سہارے لیتی اور ڈھلتی جوانیوں کو مد نظر رکھتے ہوئے سرپرستوں کو بچوں کی جلدی اور وقت پر شادی کی فکر کرنی چاہیے۔ یہ اس لیے بھی ضروری ہے کہ جانے آپ کی کل ہو یا نہ ہوں ، مگر آپ اپنی ذمے داری سے سبکدوش ہوجائیں ۔ ویسے بھی دیر کس بات کی اور تاخیر کیوں کرنی ، جب بچے جوان ہوچکے ہیں تو ان کے ہاتھ پاؤں پیلے کردینے چاہئیں۔ شادی کے معاملے پر جب بات ہو تو جواب ملتا ہے ،  یہ کوئی اتنا آسان کام نہیں ہے۔ اس کے لیے بڑے مسائل ہیں،  جن کو دیکھ کر آگے بڑھا جاتا ہے۔ آئیے ان مسائل پر بات کرتے ہیں۔ آخر کن وجوہات کی بنا پر شادیاں تاخیر کا شکار ہیں اور ان کا حل کیا ہونا چاہیے۔

شادی میں رکاوٹ کی پہلی وجہ مناسب رشتہ نہ ملنا ہے

بہتر سے بہتر رشتے کی تلاش سب کو ہوتی ہے اور یہ اچھی بات ہے ،مناسب رشتہ مل جائے تو یقینا یہ اللہ پاک کا خاص کرم ہے۔ اگر رشتہ آپ کی عین سوچ کے مطابق نہیں بھی مل رہا تو  کچھ خصوصیات کی کمی و بیشی کے ساتھ قبول کرلینا چاہیے۔ اس کا ہرگز یہ مطلب نہیں کہ دوسرا  رشتہ نہیں ملے گا،  تاہم جو کام وقت پر ہو جائے وہ اچھا ہے۔ نصیب اللہ نے اچھے کرنے ہیں ، آپ بس اونٹ کی ٹانگ باندھے۔ کئی بار ایسا ہوتا ہے کہ معمولی سی بات پر اچھے خاصے رشتے سے انکار کردیا جاتا ہے۔ سوچیں ،  اللہ نہ کرے اگر آپ کے پاس وقت مختصر ہو اور آپ کو اپنے بچے کی شادی کرنی ہو تو یقینا آپ چند ہی لمحوں میں معمولی خصوصیت پر کوئی بھی رشتہ قبول کرلیں گے ، وجہ یہ ہے کہ اس وقت آپ کے لیے یہ اتنا بڑا مسئلہ نہیں ہوگا ، مگر چوں کہ آپ کو لگتا ہے کہ  آپ کے پاس بہت وقت ہے تو  خواہ مخواہ کیڑے نکالتے ہوئے رشتے سے انکار کردیا  جاتا ہے ۔ رشتوں کے معاملے میں سنجیدگی کا مظاہرہ کرتے ہوئے قبولیت والی سوچ رکھیں ۔

شادی میں دوسرا اہم مسئلہ اخراجات کا ہے۔ اخراجات آپ کے اپنے اختیار میں ہیں۔ بڑھاتے جائیں تو بڑھتے جائیں گے۔ اگر ہاتھ روک لیں تو بریک لگ جائے گی۔ دل تو بہت کچھ چاہتا ہے، حسرتیں بھی بہت ہوتی ہیں، ارمان ہیں کہ ختم ہونے کا نام نہیں لیتے ،مگر ان کے ساتھ زندگی بھی الجھتی جائے گی نہ کہ سلجھے گی۔ اس لیے خواہشات کو بڑھانے کے بجائے ”اینف“ بولیں اور میسر وسائل کے ساتھ مسائل کا حل نکالیں۔ اپنی حیثیت کے مطابق جو ہے کریں ، کون کیا کہے گا،  اس بات سے کوئی فرق نہیں پڑتا ۔ اگر فرق پڑنا ہے تو اس بات سے کہ اگر آپ نے وقت پر شادی نہ کی اور آپ کی اولاد  غلط  راہ  پر چل پڑی تو پھر کیا ہوگیا اور اس کا ذمہ دار کون ہوگا۔

ہم نے کئی بہترین ولیمے دیکھے ، مگر پھر بھی لوگوں نے اعتراض ہی کیا۔ لوگ کب خوش ہونے والے ہیں۔ لوگوں کے متعلق کسی بھی معاملے میں فکر کرنے کی ضرورت ہی نہیں ہے۔ باتیں ہونی ہیں وہ ہوتی رہیں گی، چاولوں میں بوٹی ہو یا چنے ، اعتراضات کبھی ختم نہیں ہوتے۔ آپ کو فکر اپنے اخراجات کی کرنی ہے نہ کہ لوگوں کی باتوں اور دکھلاوے کی ۔

جہیز جیسی لعنت بھی اس وقت شادیوں کے معاملات میں بڑی رکاوٹ بنی ہوئی ہے۔ بیٹی کے جہیز کی وجہ سے بعض اوقات کئی سال شادی کا معاملا لٹکا رہتا ہے۔ جہیز آپ کی مرضی پر منحصر ہے۔ آپ پر لازم نہیں کہ گھر بھر کر دیں۔ جو ہے وہی دے دیں۔ چار برتن دو کپڑے اور ایک بیگ بھی بہت ہے۔ الیکٹرونکس سے لے کر فرنیچر تک بائیک سے لے گھر، فلیٹ اور گاڑی تک یہ سب ایسی چیزیں ہیں جس کا انتظام  مرد کی ذمہ داری ہے ، لڑکی کیوں ساتھ لائے ۔ آپ تصور کرسکتے ہیں کہ ایک مرد یعنی شوہر کیسے گوارہ کرتا ہے کہ وہ اپنے پیسے کے پلنگ کے بجائے بیوی کے والدین کے دیے پلنگ پر سوئے۔ بیوی کو دیا گیا ٹی وی دیکھے،  اس کے لائے فریزر سے ٹھنڈا پانی پیے ، اس کو ملی گاڑی پر گھومے۔ ایک باغیرت مرد کبھی یہ سب نہیں کرسکتا۔  تو یہ سب اپنی حیثیت میں رہ کر کیجیے اور بعد میں بھی دیتے رہے ، کونسا منع ہے۔

ایک اہم مسئلہ لڑکے کا اپنے قدموں پر کھڑے ہونا یا بیٹی کا تعلیم مکمل کرنا بھی ہے۔ یہ دونوں باتیں  بہت اہم ہیں ، لیکن شادی بھی اتنی  ہی  اہم ہے۔ ان دونوں معاملات میں درمیانی راہ نکالی جانی چاہیے۔ تعلیم کو ایک خاص مقام پر روک کر شادی کردی جائے ، بعد ازاں چاہیں تو  تعلیم کا سلسلہ جاری رکھا جائے۔ اسی طرح لڑکے کو خاص عمر  تک پہنچتے ہی یہ احساس دلایا جائے کہ وہ اب اپنی ذمہ داریاں خود اٹھائے ، جب شادی کی عمر ہوگی تو وہ  یقینا اس فریضے کو باخوبی سرانجام دینے کے لیے تیار ہوگا۔ اسے معلوم ہونا چاہیے کہ دال چینی کے بہاؤ کیا چل رہے ہیں اور کیسے ان کو پورا کیا جاتا ہے۔ اپنے بچوں کو پیراشوٹر مت بنائے کہ وہ دنیا کے لیے اجنبی ثابت ہوں۔ انھیں 15 سال کی عمر سے گھر کی ذمہ داری کا احساس دلایا جائے تو 21 سال کی عمر میں وہ گھر چلانے کے قابل ہوں گے۔

دیکھا جائے تو 80 فیصد شادیوں میں رکاوٹ ہمارے بزرگ طبقے کی سوچ یا نظریات ہوتے ہیں۔ وہ اپنی جگہ درست اور دور اندیش ہوتے ہیں ، تاہم بعض اوقات یہ دور اندیشی   انا  بن جاتی  ہے ۔ ان کی میں، یا ناک مسئلہ بنی ہوتی ہے۔ اس پر تھوڑی نرم پالیسی اپنائیے۔ آپ کی لچک سے اگر زندگیوں میں آسودگی آتی ہے ، تو ممکن ہے بعد میں آپ کو بھی اعتراض نہ ہو۔ شادی کو آسان بنائیے ورنہ سچی بات تو یہ ہے کہ  سوشل میڈیا پر دعوت گناہ اور سیاہ کاری ہر دوسرے لمحے میسر ہے۔ آپ کی نسل کا دامن ہمیشہ کے لیے داغدار ہوجائیے گا۔

یاد رکھیے شیطانی خیالات انسان کے جسم پر ہر وقت حاوی رہتے ہیں۔ان کا  گناہ کے لیے کسی بھی وقت آمادہ کرنا مشکل نہیں ہے۔ آپ کی تربیت پر شک نہیں ،پر شیطان بہت خطرناک ہے ، کچھ بھی کرسکتا ہے۔

شادی میں رکاوٹ کی کئی دیگر وجوہات ہوسکتی ہیں۔ یہ آپ کو طے کرنا ہے کہ ان مسائل کو کیسے  حل کیا جائے۔ ہر مسئلے کا حل ہوتا ہے۔ آپ نے طے کرلیا کہ شادی کرنی ہے تو اسباب خالق کائینات نے پیدا کر دینے ہیں۔ مسائل سے بھاگنے سے مسائل حل نہیں ہوں گے ،ان کا  حل نکالنا ہوگا اور یہ حل باہر سے آکر کوئی نہیں نکالے گا ۔ اللہ آپ کے لیے آسانی پیدا فرمائے۔دعاؤں کے ساتھ ساتھ اپنے مسائل کے لیے تگ و دو بھی جاری رکھیں۔ معاشرتی برائیوں اور اپنے بچوں کی تربیت کو بہتر بنانے کے لیے شادیوں کا وقت پر ہونا بہت ضروری ہے۔ اس پر خصوصی توجہ دیں ، قبل اس کے دیر ہوجائے ،  آپ اپنی ذمے داری ادا کریں۔

حصہ
mm
عارف رمضان جتوئی روزنامہ جسارت میں نیوز سب ایڈیٹر اور نیوز کلیکشن انچارج ہیں ،مضمون و کالم نگاری بھی کرتے ہیں،مختلف رسائل و جرائد میں ان کے مضامین شایع ہوتے رہتے ہیں۔۔کراچی اپڈیٹس ڈاٹ کام کے بلاگ اور میگزین ایڈیٹر بھی ہیں۔

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